What Belly did, ate, saw: Personal

With the Current

Hey guess what? Today's the 29th of February. Did you do anything special with your extra day? Me, it's been a roller coaster of a day filled with work anxiety + personal life curve balls. One for the journal pages for sure. You know what else? I haven't written since September *slaps self on the back of the hand* I think the only reason I'm back here is cause I wanted a blog post time stamped to 02/29. I love leap years.

It's been a while and so many things have changed. Where to begin...The thing about life updates is that once you're behind, you get so behind you don't even know where to begin. With hundred of photos filling up my iPhone memory (I really should get around to sorting through those) and actual posts that fell way behind schedule. Oh and not to mention the struggle of dealing with the minutiae of life on top of that. I guess the point is, contrary to what's shown on my Snapchat or Instagram, I've had a ~~pretty~~ really rough last half year and next thing I know it's almost March! I guess it's time I snap out of this limbo and get on with it, eh?

Like most, my transition from college kid to real-world adult was far from smooth sailing. It was probably 95% turbulence, if we're being honest. You see, I mapped out a plan in my head of where I was heading, of where I wanted to be, who I wanted to be. Then one thing led to another, or some things just never happened. It was a series of lows and highs, up-all-nights, furrowed brows, and never-ending stream of questions. None of which any one person could answer for me. I realized that with time, things will fall into place so long as you let them. And of course, nothing comes without a bit of hard work.

A lot of old people (forgive me if you're old) like to say that with every passing year, they realize how just little they actually know. That's the curse of the youth. Thinking they (we I) know everything and then we get so worked up if someone tells them otherwise. I've always thought I knew what was best for me and that it'll all be okay if I just did as I wanted. I was raised to have a good heart and head on my shoulders after all. So when the life plans I've been drawing out for months and months were never given the chance to reach production, you can image how *upset* I was.

I was determined to stand my ground and fight the system. In other words, pout and sulk. As the youngest child with a problem with authority, it was unsurprisingly easy to hold a grudge. But, as I should've figured, it proved unproductive. And bad for my skin. Negativity and a quarter-life crisis can do that to you. I was going through some major life changes, M and I decided extended long-distance wasn't for us anymore, I struggled to find my footing in the job force, I moved back in with my family, the weather was constantly humid, and public transportation was practically non-existent. I was sad. And not just that, I was delirious and started to grow a penchant for emotional journaling. Not a good sign. But slowly slowly slowly I came around...ish. It started out with baby steps (reading more and joining a yoga class) which snowballed to wholesome self-love, a return of curiosity, and my mind began to wisen up.

I had harbored these grand dreams for myself that I thought I lacked time to fulfill them all. I need to go NOW. I need to be this person NOW. I need to accomplish this NOW. But after taking a step back, I saw that I have all the time in the world. I'm 22, but I feel old, but that's only because I'm young. Does that make sense? Going back to my last passage, it's the curse of the youth! I know absolutely nothing but that's the greatest part. It's not a fault but a gift. The sooner I started to embrace that, the brighter and more intense my world became.

Things aren't as I thought they'd be. Life was so different event just a year ago. And life is going to stump me over and over again. But instead of struggling against the current, I think the secret is to take deep breathes and (not flow with it, but rather) swim with it. I can say with full confidence that I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I'm still cautious, still a little bit of a skeptic, but I'm keeping my eyes wide open, my prayers honest, and I'm awaiting what's next, good or bad.

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, by Isabelle

Personal

See Ya!

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, by Isabelle

Personal

Short Hair Don't Care

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, by Isabelle

Personal

TMI PMS

A few years ago, my brother told me that he and my dad shared an understanding about my crazy mood swings. Apparently, after a night out for dinner when we came back home, I opened the car door, slammed it shut, then stomped my little feet to the apartment's elevator without a word of warning. My dad asked my brother, "What's wrong with her?" to which he answered, "Just one of her mood swings..." I think my dad nodded or shrugged or something like that.

The point of that little story is not that I am crazy, but that PMS happens. Like how it's happening right now, so I just thought I'd share some of the insanity that I have to deal with every month. EVERY MONTH.

My body temperature feels like it's ten degrees off. I get these hot flashes--almost like I'm going through menopause, and then I think to myself, "Am I going crazy?" For some reason, this almost always happens during a lecture at school. So I then proceed to stare at my professor with a crazed look of desperate need to GET OUT OF THIS BURNING ROOM. It has yet to generate any genuine outreaches of concern.

My skin and hair kind of feel like bacon grease. I know, it's gross. Some days, I can literally feel the make-up sliding off my face. I almost feel like I need to take several showers throughout the day. This may also be because I feel unusually hot (see above). I hate touching my hair, which is a problem, because I have a habit of running my fingers through it. I especially hate it when other people touch my hair. I hate it when other people touch me. Period.

Today, I thought I was being good in the school cafeteria when I picked up some fruit for lunch. Then I started to doubt if fruit was what I really wanted. I thought I needed something salty, and maybe something sweet, too. Somehow, potato chips and chocolate chip cookies made it to the register.

I feel bloated and nothing ever looks good. One time, I was sitting in class and could feel the blood in my calves struggling to circulate in my skinny jeans. When I get home and take my pants off, their seams leave an imprint on my skin. What. Is. Going. On. Was it because of the boots I was wearing that day? Am I gaining weight from all the chips I've been eating? I need to start working out. I can't remember the last time I did a sit-up.

I like to think I'm a very patient person, but around this time of the month, I pretty much want to strangle every single person I meet. My family, my friends, strangers on the street, no one's an exception. Just don't take it personally. And remember that there is such a thing as a stupid question.

There are no words for how I feel. It's just a lot of groaning and sighing and moaning. And those are just some things that happen on a monthly basis.