With the Current
Monday, February 29, 2016
Hey guess what? Today's the 29th of February. Did you do anything special with your extra day? Me, it's been a roller coaster of a day filled with work anxiety + personal life curve balls. One for the journal pages for sure. You know what else? I haven't written since September *slaps self on the back of the hand* I think the only reason I'm back here is cause I wanted a blog post time stamped to 02/29. I love leap years.
It's been a while and so many things have changed. Where to begin...The thing about life updates is that once you're behind, you get so behind you don't even know where to begin. With hundred of photos filling up my iPhone memory (I really should get around to sorting through those) and actual posts that fell way behind schedule. Oh and not to mention the struggle of dealing with the minutiae of life on top of that. I guess the point is, contrary to what's shown on my Snapchat or Instagram, I've had a pretty really rough last half year and next thing I know it's almost March! I guess it's time I snap out of this limbo and get on with it, eh?
Like most, my transition from college kid to real-world adult was far from smooth sailing. It was probably 95% turbulence, if we're being honest. You see, I mapped out a plan in my head of where I was heading, of where I wanted to be, who I wanted to be. Then one thing led to another, or some things just never happened. It was a series of lows and highs, up-all-nights, furrowed brows, and never-ending stream of questions. None of which any one person could answer for me. I realized that with time, things will fall into place so long as you let them. And of course, nothing comes without a bit of hard work.
A lot of old people (forgive me if you're old) like to say that with every passing year, they realize how just little they actually know. That's the curse of the youth. Thinking they (
I was determined to stand my ground and fight the system. In other words, pout and sulk. As the youngest child with a problem with authority, it was unsurprisingly easy to hold a grudge. But, as I should've figured, it proved unproductive. And bad for my skin. Negativity and a quarter-life crisis can do that to you. I was going through some major life changes, M and I decided extended long-distance wasn't for us anymore, I struggled to find my footing in the job force, I moved back in with my family, the weather was constantly humid, and public transportation was practically non-existent. I was sad. And not just that, I was delirious and started to grow a penchant for emotional journaling. Not a good sign. But slowly slowly slowly I came around...ish. It started out with baby steps (reading more and joining a yoga class) which snowballed to wholesome self-love, a return of curiosity, and my mind began to wisen up.
I had harbored these grand dreams for myself that I thought I lacked time to fulfill them all. I need to go NOW. I need to be this person NOW. I need to accomplish this NOW. But after taking a step back, I saw that I have all the time in the world. I'm 22, but I feel old, but that's only because I'm young. Does that make sense? Going back to my last passage, it's the curse of the youth! I know absolutely nothing but that's the greatest part. It's not a fault but a gift. The sooner I started to embrace that, the brighter and more intense my world became.
Things aren't as I thought they'd be. Life was so different event just a year ago. And life is going to stump me over and over again. But instead of struggling against the current, I think the secret is to take deep breathes and (not flow with it, but rather) swim with it. I can say with full confidence that I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I'm still cautious, still a little bit of a skeptic, but I'm keeping my eyes wide open, my prayers honest, and I'm awaiting what's next, good or bad.
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