A lot of old people (forgive me if you're old) like to say that with every passing year, they realize how just little they actually know. That's the curse of the youth. Thinking they (we I) know everything and then we get so worked up if someone tells them otherwise. I've always thought I knew what was best for me and that it'll all be okay if I just did as I wanted. I was raised to have a good heart and head on my shoulders after all. So when the life plans I've been drawing out for months and months were never given the chance to reach production, you can image how *upset* I was.

I was determined to stand my ground and fight the system. In other words, pout and sulk. As the youngest child with a problem with authority, it was unsurprisingly easy to hold a grudge. But, as I should've figured, it proved unproductive. And bad for my skin. Negativity and a quarter-life crisis can do that to you. I was going through some major life changes, M and I decided extended long-distance wasn't for us anymore, I struggled to find my footing in the job force, I moved back in with my family, the weather was constantly humid, and public transportation was practically non-existent. I was sad. And not just that, I was delirious and started to grow a penchant for emotional journaling. Not a good sign. But slowly slowly slowly I came around...ish. It started out with baby steps (reading more and joining a yoga class) which snowballed to wholesome self-love, a return of curiosity, and my mind began to wisen up.

I had harbored these grand dreams for myself that I thought I lacked time to fulfill them all. I need to go NOW. I need to be this person NOW. I need to accomplish this NOW. But after taking a step back, I saw that I have all the time in the world. I'm 22, but I feel old, but that's only because I'm young. Does that make sense? Going back to my last passage, it's the curse of the youth! I know absolutely nothing but that's the greatest part. It's not a fault but a gift. The sooner I started to embrace that, the brighter and more intense my world became.

Things aren't as I thought they'd be. Life was so different event just a year ago. And life is going to stump me over and over again. But instead of struggling against the current, I think the secret is to take deep breathes and (not flow with it, but rather) swim with it. I can say with full confidence that I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I'm still cautious, still a little bit of a skeptic, but I'm keeping my eyes wide open, my prayers honest, and I'm awaiting what's next, good or bad.